If You Hate Networking, You’re Not Alone
Many people who attend my
classes on how to network readily admit that they hate networking.
Why? Because they feel like when
they walk into a room (in person or virtually), they are the only one who doesn’t know anyone.
Do you feel the same?
It takes you back to junior high when you are in the cafeteria, sitting by yourself eating lunch alone. Or worse, those high school dances where all the cool kids are dancing and you are standing and watching. (And in my days, we didn’t have phones to look at to pretend we were cool because we had somebody important we were texting or emailing.)
Some of you admit to me the
harsh statements that you tell yourself: “I am boring. Nobody likes me. I don’t
have anything to say. I’m not an extrovert. I don’t enjoy this. I am not a fun
person like that person or that person. I am not as cool as them. I am not as
interesting as them. I am too [fill in the blank here, “old, young…)”
And when you tell yourself
these statements as you walk into a networking event, you are already setting
yourself up for failure. Then you feel bad that you’re not doing a better job
networking. Then you feel lousy and go
home saying, “That was a terrible event and I’m terrible at networking.”
Networking is Just a Skill
If you are one of the people
who would rather get your taxes done or have root canal instead of networking, take
heart. The good news is that like all communication skills, networking is just
a skill. Most people are not born with
this skill, but you can learn it, practice it and get better at it over time.
It All Starts With Confidence
If you show up with all that
negative talk in your head, you won’t be able to present yourself well and you
likely will not have a good experience.
Instead, you have to change the narrative and build your
self-confidence.
While you don’t have to tell
yourself an unbelievable statement like, “I am the best networker in the
world,” you can focus on your positive qualities and tell yourself something
like, “I am an interesting person. I am a good listener. I am fun to talk to. I
have something to offer. I am learning. I am growing. I am here to make
connections. I am here to make someone else feel welcome.”
Stop talking to yourself in
negative language that you would never use with a friend or someone you care
about.
Once you start building foundation of confidence, it will be easier to work on building your networking skills, including preparing and practicing your message, working on your delivery, getting into and out of conversations and following up.
(C) Gilda Bonanno www.gildabonanno.com