How Not to Hate Networking

If You Hate Networking, You’re Not Alone

Many people who attend my classes on how to network readily admit that they hate networking.

Why? Because they feel like when they walk into a room (in person or virtually), they are the only one who doesn’t know anyone.  

Do you feel the same?

It takes you back to junior high when you are in the cafeteria, sitting by yourself eating lunch alone. Or worse, those high school dances where all the cool kids are dancing and you are standing and watching. (And in my days, we didn’t have phones to look at to pretend we were cool because we had somebody important we were texting or emailing.)

Some of you admit to me the harsh statements that you tell yourself: “I am boring. Nobody likes me. I don’t have anything to say. I’m not an extrovert. I don’t enjoy this. I am not a fun person like that person or that person. I am not as cool as them. I am not as interesting as them. I am too [fill in the blank here, “old, young…)”

And when you tell yourself these statements as you walk into a networking event, you are already setting yourself up for failure. Then you feel bad that you’re not doing a better job networking.  Then you feel lousy and go home saying, “That was a terrible event and I’m terrible at networking.”

Networking is Just a Skill

If you are one of the people who would rather get your taxes done or have root canal instead of networking, take heart. The good news is that like all communication skills, networking is just a skill.  Most people are not born with this skill, but you can learn it, practice it and get better at it over time.

It All Starts With Confidence

If you show up with all that negative talk in your head, you won’t be able to present yourself well and you likely will not have a good experience.  Instead, you have to change the narrative and build your self-confidence.

While you don’t have to tell yourself an unbelievable statement like, “I am the best networker in the world,” you can focus on your positive qualities and tell yourself something like, “I am an interesting person. I am a good listener. I am fun to talk to. I have something to offer. I am learning. I am growing. I am here to make connections. I am here to make someone else feel welcome.”

Stop talking to yourself in negative language that you would never use with a friend or someone you care about.

Once you start building foundation of confidence, it will be easier to work on building your networking skills, including preparing and practicing your message, working on your delivery, getting into and out of conversations and following up.

(C) Gilda Bonanno www.gildabonanno.com