If
your stomach churns just at the thought of speaking in front of a group of
people, you're not alone. In fact, Americans rate public speaking as their
number one fear - even ahead of death (hence the old joke that you would rather
be in the coffin than giving the eulogy)!
Think
about what's going through your head right at that moment when you're getting
ready to open your mouth, whether it's at a staff meeting at work or in front
of the local YMCA parents' group. Yes, I
admit that I hear voices in my head - and I bet you do, too.
Take a moment, close your eyes and
really listen for that voice - what is it saying?
When
I ask clients to share what that voice in their head is telling them right
before they speak, they invariably come out with a whiny, annoying voice spewing
negatives like "you're going to make a fool of yourself" or "who
do you think you are?"
That
voice goes by many names. Creativity expert Julia
Cameron calls it "The Censor." I call it the "Joy-Sucker" because it sucks the joy out of your work and your life.
The Joy-Sucker undermines your confidence and
makes you less able to convey your knowledge and experience to your
audience. In its worst
manifestations, it may even cause you to forget your own name! The Joy-Sucker may come from old beliefs about ourselves or
perhaps a comment made by an unhelpful friend, teacher or ex.
Instead
of allowing the Joy-Sucker to sap your confidence, I recommend replacing it
with a positive affirmation or
mantra, a term borrowed from
meditation and yoga that means a word or phrase that you repeat to yourself to
focus your mind and energy. Your mantra should be personally meaningful to you and should
be a phrase that you can believe. You
can use a song title (Aretha Franklin's "RESPECT" comes to mind), a
line from a poem or anything that makes you feel powerful and confident. "You go, girl" is my favorite
(accompanied by a mental fist in the air).
Once you have
created a mantra, try it out in real-life situations. When you're getting ready to speak,
listen for the Joy-Sucker and replace it with your mantra. Remember that the Joy-Sucker has
had years of practice, so it's okay to try several mantras before you find one
that is powerful enough to drown it out.
You'll know
the mantra is working when you feel your anxiety
decreasing and your confidence increasing (a little bit at a
time). As you build your confidence, you'll be able to tap into your
knowledge and experience related to the topic at hand - and you'll be on your
way to becoming a more polished public speaker!