Listening is a crucial skill for professional
and personal success. It seems like such
a basic skill but although this skill is basic in theory, it's difficult to
execute. Yes, everyone can listen, but
how many people can listen well?
Why is listening important? First, it shows
respect to the speaker. Second, if you
listen well, you can learn something. If
you ask a good question and then open your ears and close your mouth, you'll be
amazed at what people will tell you.
What new things could you learn if you stopped to listen?
Here are 5 ways to improve your listening
skills:
1.
Focus. If you decide that someone is worth listening
to, then give the speaker your full attention.
Turn away from the computer and set your cell phone to vibrate. We may like to think we can multi-task, but
we really can't do it with tasks, and we certainly can't do it with
people. You can't read your email or
read the newspaper and listen to someone at the same time. You might hear
what they are saying, and you may even catch the meaning of some of it, but
you are not really listening.
2.
Show
that you are listening. Make eye
contact, ask relevant questions and avoid distracting behavior like yawning or
checking your watch frequently.
3.
For
a few minutes, let it be all about the other person. Don't use the time to
think about your rebuttal. It's
important to remember that the function of listening is to understand what the
other person is saying, not necessarily to agree with it. Yes, you can disagree, but first you have to
understand the other's point of view.
And sometimes, just listening and having the other person feel
"heard" will be enough to defuse any disagreement.
4.
Read
between the lines. Don't just listen to
the words – also tune into the non-verbal communications. Watch the other person's body language and
become aware of the feelings behind the words.
If you're not sure, ask questions to check that your understanding
matches theirs. Usually you have to deal
first with the person's feelings, whether anger, frustration or joy, before you
can move on to problem-solving or resolution.
5.
Resist
the urge to interrupt. Ah, this is a
tough one for many of us, me included. Sometimes we're so agitated by what
we've heard, or we're so excited, that we feel we have to cut them off with
"but that's not what happened" or "you think that's bad, wait
till you hear what happened to me!"
Interrupting tells the other person that you think your words are more
important than theirs, which is not the message you want to send. As with any skill development, practicing
helps.
As Stephen Covey
reminds us in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "seek first
to understand, then to be understood."
The next time you're in a conversation with a colleague, a loved one or even
someone you've just met, practice active listening. You'll be amazed at how that simple habit can
improve your relationships and give you opportunities to learn.