When
I work with people who are nervous about public speaking, I ask them to
describe the voice they hear in their heads when they have to give a
presentation. Usually, they describe it
as a negative voice saying things like:
- "Don't
mess up!"
- "Who
do you think you are?"
- "You're
gonna make a fool of yourself!"
Sound familiar? Does the voice in your head sound like this? I call this voice the "Joy-Sucker" because it sucks the joy out of your work and your life.
Now
imagine a child comes to you and says, "I'm scared about the dance recital
[or the baseball game or the school play]." Would you say:
- "Don't mess up!"
- "Who
do you think you are?"
- "You're
gonna make a fool of yourself!"
Never!
Instead, you would be supportive, encouraging and positive – you would help him
or her practice and prepare.
Now
imagine a good friend says to you, "I'm so nervous about that big
presentation I have to give next week." Would you say:
- "Don't mess up!"
- "Who
do you think you are?"
- "You're
gonna make a fool of yourself!"
Never!
You would be supportive, encouraging and positive. You would say:
- "It
will be ok."
- "They
selected you to present because you know your stuff."
- "I'll help you practice."
So
why do you think it's ok to speak to yourself with negative, critical words
that you would never say to a child or a friend?
The
next time you start spewing negatives at yourself before you have to present,
think of the helpful and supportive words you would say to a child or a friend
– and then use them on yourself.
Replacing
your negative self-talk with positive self-talk will help you feel more
confident and allow you to access your knowledge and experience so you can be a
more effective presenter.
(For
more on how to develop a positive mantra to replace the Joy-Sucker voice, see http://gildabonanno.blogspot.com/2010/04/public-speaking-fear-drown-out-that.html)